FIVE TIPS FOR FIGHTING LONELINESS
Isn’t it amazing how your day can be so full; working, looking after kids, looking after the house and then attempting to look after yourself. And then once all your jobs are done, and even if you only get half an hour to relax, loneliness really creeps in.
When your partner is away, he or she still takes up space in your mind and heart, and every time you look at the empty spot in the bed next to you, you are reminded of their existence away for home and that you miss them.
For me this longing manifests in me struggling to get to bed. The thought of turning the lights out, even though I’m absolutely exhausted from the day and so ready to get some sleep, is just so hard to do. So, then it’s a matter of finding any trick in the book to distract myself from those feelings of loneliness, and sometimes I end up simply passing out rather than physically putting myself to bed after hours of mindless Facebook scrolling or TV binge watching – I never thought I’d get into those Kardashians…
From many of my clients I hear the same, so I thought I would give you a few of my tips for fighting that loneliness.
Let’s dive in
Exercise – a tired body aids a tired mind.
We all know there is no better sleep than the one after a physically active day (or a workout). When your body has been active during the day, is rests so much better, and it also finds it easier to settle when it’s time to go to sleep. Unless your magnesium levels are low, you shouldn’t have jittery legs keeping you up.
Make sure you connect with your partner on a regular basis.
Now we don’t all have the luxury of being able to contact our partners throughout the day, and some of us don’t even know when the next opportunity will be, but either way, even if you only make the connection in your heart and mind, you are not removing yourself from the fact that your partner isn’t home. You are not shutting yourself down from feeling the emotions. This may seem counterintuitive, but bear with me – this is important!
Make a ritual out of going to bed.
Once you have faced all your emotions around being on your lonesome, create an awesome atmosphere around getting to bed. Light candles as you start to wind down (only until you’re ready to get to bed – no burned down homes from reading this blog, please!), have an evening bath, use aroma therapy, perhaps a go-to-bed cup of herbal tea. Play relaxing music. Meditate. Moisturise your body or put a mask on your hair. There’s no saying you can’t have a mini spa experience in your own home. And if your response to this is “I’m too tired to do all of that, I just want to get to sleep”, well then you won’t have time to distract from actually getting to sleep, right?
Disengage from distraction!
This might be your biggest challenge, but distraction is your nemesis! You will never be able to distract yourself far enough from the fact that your partner is away. Sure, it might work for a while, but eventually, after you have passed out to every single Netflix series you can find, the fact remains that they are still going to be away.
Instead of distracting yourself, lean into the emotions. Feel them to the core of your being. Cry about your partner being away, get angry about it and punch your pillows or scream into them. Regardless of whether you feel sad or angry, having an emotional and physical release of that particular emotion serves you far better than removing your mind and heart from what’s really bothering you. And there is nothing more soothing than falling asleep after a good cry.What’s more, you will find that the more you release of those feelings, the lighter they will become, the less they will fester in your body and nervous system, and the more relaxed you will become about the situation.
PS: You can drown out a lot of your screaming with a pillow 😉
Now I know that the title of this post is about five tips, but my generous soul must leave you with an important optional extra.
Often feelings of loneliness pertains to not feeling fulfilled in your day-to-day existence. As we’ve visited at the beginning of this post, so often our lives seem to be all about work, school drop-off and pick-ups, after school activities etc. etc. So why not make something special of your existence and feel into what really excites you?
Find something that you can dive into just for you. Not to better the lives of your kids or husband, not to be a good friend or school mum, but something just for you. Perhaps even something that no one else in your social circle engages in.
Finding that little something that lights you up can make a world of difference to your self-esteem and your everyday outlook. You will wake up with purpose and excitement about what’s to come. And I don’t mean that you have to start a book club, or get into several online programs. It can be little things like reading a book you’ve always thought about, or organising that little corner in the house as a cosy nook, or adding some Feng Sui to your bedroom. Little or small, it is your project and something that is exciting for you to get your teeth into. For example, a strong meditation practise, and the lifestyle that goes with it is what makes me tick.
So, those are some of my tips to help you live with the loneliness that your partner’s working life results in. If you experience loneliness when your partner is home too, then that’s another discussion that we may need to have face-to-face.
And as always, if you need help getting started with any of these tips, drop me a line via this link, or comment below, and I will get in touch. And if you want to get right to work and nut out some goals to work on that last bonus point, check out my packages here.
Here’s to you being your excited fierce self xxx